Day 31 – The Eve of a New Year

It is New Year’s Eve and I want to share my day with you today. I started my day with the intentions of going somewhere tonight. I did not want to sit at home for New Year’s. I really wanted to be in the sanctuary of my church in Baltimore. But I cannot drive my car right now; therefore I was trying to get two of my friends to go with me. I asked earlier in the week. I was not upset when it turned out that they would not go. One of my girlfriends moved into her first home this week. I am so happy for her and was not upset at all that she was tired.

So I sent out a text message this morning to about ten people to see what their plans were. I was really trying to text one person but it went to ten. Six people responded. All had wonderful plans. I was happy to hear that they were going to be bringing the New Year in with people they loved. I was going to go with one of my other girlfriends to a gathering at one of her friends house.

I took the children bowling, which seemed to be such a big deal. I don’t know why I was so emotional, so edgy, so just not there. We got through the bowling. The excitement wore off half way through the first game, that was not good since I had paid for two games. We painfully got through the next game and needless to say were very ready to go. But the trip was good for the children; everyone fell asleep in the car on the way home.

So I connected with my other girlfriend, the new homeowner. I want you all to know that I am extremely proud of her for achieving such an important goal. She really deserves this and the many more blessings she is due to receive. But she even offered to go with me this evening to the gathering because I did not want to be a third wheel hanging with my other girlfriend and her man.

I was still very undecided about what I really wanted to do. By the time I got home I was very emotional and did not really want to be anywhere but in Ohio. See I know where I wanted to be tonight and with whom I wanted to bring the New Year in with. But I knew that I was not able to be with them. This made me very sad and disappointed. I felt it very hard when I returned home.

So I ended up home and about 8:30 pm it was sealed that I was not going anywhere. So I turned on my computer and watched my pastor preach. His sermon was entitled “I Need a Break”. God was waiting for me. The words that he said came right out of my heart and out of my mouth just about an hour earlier. I said those very words “I need a break” and why does everything have to be a challenge for me.

The words blessed me so much and I got some much-needed answers. I was not meant to go anywhere but right to the alter tonight. As the tears rolled down my cheek, I did not realize my heart was so heavy. I could not take notes, I could not talk, all I could do was cry. But there is so much peace and excitement in knowing that God listens to me and knows what I need before I do.

I am ready for my new year and excited that I can leave these tears in 2010. I can look forward to new beginnings, double portions and peace. The word my pastor spoke said that I would never have another year like 2010. So as I look forward to 2011 I am glad to say goodbye to wandering, to feeling lost, to having less than what I am entitled to, to disappointments from the same people, and to faithless people.

Happy New Year!

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